The past month has been my hardest since I’ve known myself. Living in a new land, with people has taught me that things aren’t always what they appear to be. That thing, don’t matter how right they seem could be dead wrong.
This is not really a blog to complain about all the wrong of America because they are many rights to offset the wrongs if we use the Libra scale.
I am not used to children being exuberantly rude and disobedient to their parents. I am not used to cleaning up after people. I am not used to living with people. It’s hard.
Just myself to think of it this way.If I do something; wrong or right, there usually is no one there to yell my head off about it. Now there are three voices looking at my every move with suspicion.
And I am usually a person that speaks my mind without much rancor or such but now I have to filter the words that come out of my mouth lest someone be offended.
The things I would do to return to my life of calm and turmoil. At least it was my life and it was not defined by those around me.
I feel how caged birds feel if they even feel. While I am placed on a pedestal – that pedestal is not where I want to be.
I’m terrible at fights and right now, I am fighting a strong internal battle with myself and my environment.
Though I have some confidence, I can’t help but incessantly second guess myself. My decisions. Is this really the best option?
I know time will take me through this. I know I will rise but when? I’ve never been one for patience and I hate feeling like someone else’ burden. I am not a burden. Am I?
It’s obvious to me that I am sad, with no ideas coming from within. It’s driving me mad.
I feel a rage burning inside of me and I fear that unless I can tame my demons, I’ll be Livid.